Do As Well As You Can

 

Barry Lopez died of prostate cancer on December 25, 2020. He didn’t share many details about it. I think he regarded his cancer as a private matter and felt there were more important topics to write about. His impact on environmental writing and awareness of nature is enormous.

I’ve read a couple of interviews that Barry gave after his diagnosis where he talked briefly about cancer, but the only writing I’ve found is three pages in his “Deterioration” essay that was published after his death in Embrace Fearlessly the Burning World. 

Feeling Joy When Feeling Blue

The Worth of Mirth

It can be really hard to feel joy during the winter holidays when you have cancer or any serious medical problem. If we try, we can hold our fears back enough to feel smatterings of happiness and moments of mirth. The uncertainty about what the coming year will bring can make it feel like a blue Christmas, a blue Hannukah. We are so not bubbling over with festive joy.

The holidays are traditionally a time when we renew our faith in people and in matters unseen, and we try to pile up enough hope to get us through the coming year.

The First Day

 

In 2010, at the age of 22, Suleika Jaouad was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. The five-year survival rate for adults with this cancer was 33%.

She realized there was a problem when that the itching on her legs wouldn’t go away. This got worse, then she was exhausted all day. It took a year of going to different doctors before she found a doctor who knew what was going on. 

In her book, Between Two Kingdoms, Suleika describes how draining it was to deal with cancer and fear of dying every day for four years as she went through multiple rounds of chemo, radiation therapy, and a bone marrow transplant before she was declared to be cancer-free. Feeling good enough to travel, she went on a three-month road trip to meet some of the people who wrote to her with support or asked questions from their own situations of grief or confinement.

We Don't Beat Cancer, We Endure

 Getting the language right.

The language we use to describe cancer matters because it speaks of how we are choosing to deal with our cancer.

Some people describe their experiences with cancer as a journey. It’s definitely not a sprint because it goes on for far longer than we expected. Some describe it as a wilderness trek, like hiking the Appalachian Trail, because so much is unknown about what we will encounter along the way. There will be times when we’re exhausted and can’t take another step. There will be storms that batter us around, trails that end and force us to backtrack and find a new route, and large wild and hairy animals show up — a lot of metaphorical, Joseph Campbell stuff.

Cooking For Cancer

 

Karen Babine, All the Wild Hungers

Today I want to talk about Karen Babine’s All the Wild Hungers: A Season of Cooking and Cancer. Babine’s mother was diagnosed with a rare and deadly form of soft tissue cancer (embryonal rhabdomyosarcoma), and Babine copes with her anxiety by cooking. The book is accessible to everyone who is caring for a loved one who has cancer because we still have to eat to keep us healthy enough to care for them.

Fear of Possibilities

 

Humans have a great ability to predict the future. We’re usually wrong. What we fear will happen often does not and it holds us back from living today with gusto. We live as people dead before we actually die. Which is almost the same thing.

A friend was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, but I didn’t know this. No one did. I wanted to say something that would help, but from my time with people dealing with grief, I knew that my friend didn’t need platitudes. Words are no help right after someone receives the news that they have cancer. What she needed was someone to sit beside her for a time as the cold shadows of her fears drew near.

It Sits Between a Man's Bladder and His Old Feather

My title is a quote by Stephen Fry who was treated for prostate cancer and bemoaned men’s reluctance to talk about the prevalence of the cancer simply because it involved their penis.

Mark Shanahan interviewed Fry for his video series for The Boston Globe that first aired in 2020 and was updated in 2025. It’s a six-part series that is informative, hugely funny, and quite personal. The interviews with leading cancer doctors, including Dr. Drew Pinsky, are filled with details about how treatments have greatly improved since the 1980s.

Hope Is

 

Hope is the thing with … barbed wire. 

Hope definitely doesn’t have FEATHERS, all fluttery and light, although it might if a circus clown like Emmett Kelly is trying to sweep up a spotlight with a feather, making us feel sad at his seemingly impossible task. I want something solid. 

Hope is a great stone mountain that doesn’t move. It’s the bright North Star in the night sky that I know will always be there, even if I can’t see it because of the clouds. 

A Lifespan of Width

 

Andrea Gibson, You Better Be Lightning, 2021

Reading the poetry of Andrea Gibson is like coming out of a thick, brambled forest and seeing the beauty of the mountains rising all around you.

Andrea Gibson (they/them) died in July 2025 at age 49 after four years of dealing with ovarian cancer, but cancer will never be Andrea’s story. Before this, Andrea struggled with the serious side effects of Lyme disease and this ushered in a deeper understanding of the suffering that others go through because of chronic illnesses and disabilities.

Maybe Dying, Maybe Not

 

“I am going to die.” We took a poll in my cancer support group, and that’s what each of us thought when our doctors said we had cancer. 

As it is for my friends, the thought of dying is never far from my mind. It is a possibility, and my oncologist hasn’t said that I’m not, so I exist in a netherworld where I hold my breath and wonder when it will happen and how. He actually thinks I’m doing quite well. He said so, after I asked, because the dread of dying was weighing heavily on me that day. 

A Spouse's Journey Through Cancer

 Elaine Mansfield, Leaning Into Love

Elaine Mansfield is honest in her book about her husband Vic’s struggle with lymphoma. She writes of her growing fatigue from being his constant caregiver over the years, and then, after his death, of learning to live with the emptiness of the home they shared.

What I look for in a memoir about cancer and grief is honesty. I don’t want sugar. Sugar doesn’t give me real hope. Sugar melts away when tears begin to fall. I want truth because I want to learn about the stress and despair that caregivers have to endure as they take care of someone with terminal cancer, and I want to know how she survived when the future she dreamed about was taken away.

Troglodytes of Whimsy and Mercy

 

Brian Doyle, writer. Age 60. Dead of aggressive brain tumor discovered only six months earlier. 

Stark details, and all too familiar. They don’t say anything about who Brian was. How he wrote in a way that made grown men drool and old women swoon clutching their rosaries. How he touched the lives of thousands of people who knew him or read his words. He was reverent and irreverent, often in the same sentence. Insightful. Optimistic. Funny. Stuffed full of heart and faith. An artist with words that stunned with their lyrical beauty.

Prostate Cancer Has A History

 

Helen Valier, A History of Prostate Cancer, 2016, Palgrave MacMillan.

This is the best book I’ve found that covers the scope of prostate cancer—history, treatments, and research. While quite a few articles exist elsewhere that deal with the topics in specific ways, Helen Valier has brought everything together, and her book answers most of my questions. I say most because her book came out in 2016, and medical advances have continued to occur over the last nine years. One example is the development of the PSMA-PET scan that can detect trace amounts of cancer cells that traditional scans like the MRI and CT miss.

Talking to the Trees

 

When a friend received bad news about her cancer, I thought, “I’ll talk to the trees.”

Bear with me for a moment. I used to light candles, think of those who needed support, and prayed. I often still do, but talking to the trees seemed to be the right thing to do here.

Living in the Twilight

 Kate Bowler, Everything Happens For a Reason And Other Lies I’ve Loved, 2018

Having cancer isn’t funny, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop telling jokes.

What makes Bowler’s book significant in the world of books about cancer is that she is dying and she’s not. She has Stage 4 colon cancer that is being held at bay by experimental chemotherapy and immunotherapy, and lives two months at a time, from one checkup to the next. If the checkup is good, then she knows she has two more months of life. If it’s not, then she knows to start saying goodbye. 

On Dying and Cancer

 

Atul Gawande, Being Mortal, 2014; Complications, 2002; Rana Awdish, In Shock, 2017.

Effective health care begins when patients feel their concerns are being heard and they are involved in deciding their course of treatments. Atul Gawande’s books speak of the need for patients to feel empathy from their doctors, and of the challenges that doctors face to provide the right care. He writes eloquently from the doctor’s perspective and tells stories in a narrative voice rather than using the language of clinical reports that cite case studies. Doctors and nurses find in him a kindred voice.

Prostate Distillate

 

If you’re a man, you have a 1 in 8 chance of developing prostate cancer at some point. (Women have a 1 in 8 chance of developing breast cancer.) This will generally happen when you’re older, and in most cases, it will be so slow growing that you will die of something else before your prostate becomes a problem. That’s good news.

It’s still shocking to hear the doctor say you have cancer. My annual PSA test came back with a number that was much higher than the year before, so I knew something was afoot. The news surprised me because I had no physical symptoms of a problem. I expected to end up in the large “we’ll watch to see if anything changes” group that most men are in where nothing needs to be done.

The Poetry of Cancer

 

Ilyse Kusnetz, Angel Bones, 2019, and Julie Hungiville LeMay, The Echo of Ice Letting Go, 2017

When we are dying from cancer and facing the end of our life, our senses sharpen and words distill into images and metaphors of poetry.

Not all of us are poets, of course, and not all of us would take time away from living our last months to look for the words to express what we are feeling and thinking. Rather than write, we may want to complete items from our bucket list that we’ve kept putting off, or focus on sharing everything we’ve learned about life with our children. Maybe we want to stop trying to achieve goals and simply enjoy each day free of outside expectations.

John Donne and Cancer

 

Margaret Edson, Wit, 1993

Margaret Edson wrote a play called Wit that talks about the experience of having cancer and going through chemotherapy. In the early 1990s, discussions like this were not common. The play tells the story of Vivian Bearing, an English professor, who is diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer that has metastasized. It’s not surprising that Bearing would be Stage 4 because there is still no method of screening for this cancer. In the play, Bearing knows there is a problem when her abdominal pain doesn’t go away. 

The Healing of Therapeutic Massage

 

I’m delighted that my short essay “After Cancer Treatment, a Restorative Touch,” on the healing power of therapeutic massage for cancer patients, is published in the July issue of American Journal of Nursing. Because it’s available only to subscribers, I’m unable to include a link so that you can read it. This kind of therapy was invaluable for me because it gave me my body back.

Biden and Prostate Cancer

 

By now you’ve heard that Joe Biden has prostate cancer. Even if you don’t know what this means, where the prostate is or what it does, you should realize that his cancer is serious and he will die without treatment.

What I know about Biden’s cancer is that it has a Gleason 9 score and is Grade 5, which means that it’s fast growing and aggressive. It is not the slow-growing kind that 80% of American men get. Apparently, he was having urinary problems, which is common for older men, and went to a doctor to get it checked out. 

Breast Cancer and the Health Care System

 

Anne Boyer, The Undying, 2019

Anne Boyer’s book about surviving aggressive triple-negative breast cancer, The Undying, takes the reader inside what it feels like to endure chemotherapy without any promise of surviving. Boyer covers a wide range of topics—the physical suffering, fears about dying, coping with the pain, research into the medical treatments, the philosophy and history of breast cancer procedures, and the social inequalities of a for-profit health care system and the politics of care.

Morality

 

What will be left of our morality if we do not act morally now?

Gilda and Cancer

 

Gilda Radner, It's Always Something, 1989

Holy Fools Day

Today, April 1, I honor one of the saints of laughter – Gilda Radner, who looked for humor in the midst of her cancer, and found it. She bore witness to the power of comedy, and is one of my Holy Fools.

You probably remember Gilda from Saturday Night Live. She died of ovarian cancer in 1989 at age 42, and her husband Gene Wilder was devastated. A speaker from Gilda’s Club in Chicago met with my cancer support group and talked about how they are helping people navigate through their cancer. The Club was created to continue the hope and support that Gilda found in The Wellness Community in Santa Monica as she went through treatments. Her book It’s Always Something records her journey though surgery and chemotherapy, and it was published shortly before her death.

Chautauqua Interview

 

Some good news, which all of us desperately need. The interview on writing that I did with the Chautauqua Literary Journal went up on their website, along with three of the essays that I’ve published with them over the years. It’s a new series the journal is starting called Look Back. Links to the three essays appear at the end of the interview.

 https://chautauquajournal.wixsite.com/website/post/looking-back-with-mark-liebenow

Famous Prostate Men

 

Every cancer is traumatic, but when you get prostate or breast cancer, it really messes with your self-esteem.

Men get prostate cancer as frequently as women get breast cancer, yet I’m personally aware of only two men who’ve been treated for prostate cancer, while I know a bunch of women who’ve had breast cancer. I think the reason is that women share their struggles more often.

The Cancer Poetry of Katie Farris

 Katie Farris, Standing in the Forest of Being Alive, Alice James Books, 2023

Katie Farris showed up on my doorstep the other day, with poetry she’d written about her experiences with Stage 3 breast cancer. It’s about time, I thought. Elizabeth Boleman-Herring put up a post about Farris and her book. It intrigued me enough to order a copy.

I was thankful because I’ve been dealing with Stage 3b prostate cancer that expanded locally for over two years, and my emotions and struggles have been all over the place. It’s a reciprocal cancer – 1 in 8 American women get breast cancer while 1 in 8 American men get prostate cancer.

Ringing the Bell

 There’s a tradition with cancer that you ring a large brass bell when the doctors say you are cured. It’s a tradition that is thought to have begun in 1996. A great deal of meaning is in this moment because it signals that you can return to your life. It’s also a moment of intense gratitude for the nurses and doctors who have cared for you and worked hard to free you of cancer.

Finding Out You Have Cancer

 

The tests and scans.

The difficulty in treating cancer is in determining where it is, how much there is, and what kind of cancer cell is causing a ruckus. 

Finding out if you have cancer is the first step, and the sooner you figure this out, the better your outcome will be. So, if your primary doctor suggests you get cancer screening for some part your body, take them up on it. I had no symptoms of prostate cancer, but my annual PSA test with my primary revealed a problem.