Trees With Leaves

The woods behind the house now has hundreds of interesting trees with a variety of leaf shapes and colors.  For months this winter I saw only bare brown trunks and branches that basically looked the same, so I looked right past them to the hill beyond.

People are like trees, and what makes people interesting are their differences, their peculiarities, their way of talking and thinking, the way they stir their coffee when they’re perplexed, or maybe they prefer tea over coffee. 

What makes us valuable as friends is sharing how we see situations from a different perspective. 

Each of us is a unique combination of experiences, history, and influences, and we need to let others see us as we are — the sometimes sad or angry, the excited and funny, the ways we are creative. People want to know our emotions. I learned this lesson the hard way through grief. If people truly value us, they will be willing to put up with our negative aspects because they want us to be authentic. If they don’t like us, then they’ll leave is alone and we won’t have to worry about pleasing them.

Pleasing others. This is one of my hang-ups. I want people to like me. I also want people to know who I am. This is a dilemma when I can’t do both and have to decide which path to go down. And while I think that we all have a responsibility to help others when we can, I don’t think we have any obligation to be pleasant when we’re pissed off.

I want you to be a distinct person with emotions, dreams, and skills. The only sharing that matters is when we are open and honest with each other. I want you to be authentic so that I know who you are and can count on you being this when tragedy strikes one of us. Being pleasant doesn’t get us through turmoil.

I don’t want either of us to be the bare tree in a forest that no one sees or cares about.