Riffs on Cancer

 and other taboo subjects

Those who have cancer don’t need words of sympathy. They need empathy, hugs, and presence.

When we have cancer, we no longer rush about in our daily lives trying to maximize the work we get done, to get from Point A to Point Z as quickly as possible. We linger with others, ponder, sit, reflect with a second cup of coffee. Ponder some more. The destination no longer seems as important as what we are experiencing on the journey, and our journey now includes cancer. Our goal is to be present to this moment and take care of others who are suffering the best we can. 

The philosophy of Wabi-Sabi — Nothing lasts. Nothing is finished. Nothing is perfect.

Important support for someone who has cancer often comes from those who have cancer. Yet anyone who understands that they can’t take away the pain or uncertainty, can do things that enable others to bear the pressing weight of fear.

Compassion from others plants hope in our struggles.

Words are never neutral with cancer. They either bring life, or they tear down. Being polite and not wanting to bother someone only creates a vacuum of care. Words either make us rejoice that someone understands what we’re going through, or make us shake our heads over their lack of awareness. We find refuge among cancer’s broken, holy, people.

Sufi – “When the heart grieves over what is lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.”

Half of the world believes in the strength and wonder of the individual. The other half believes in the strength and primacy of the community. Herein lies the problem when an individual with cancer is not part of a community, or their community is so focused on larger goals that it no longer attends to the wellbeing of its individual members. 

Pablo Neruda – “There is no space wider than grief.”

We don’t know how people will react when we speak about our cancer or our grief for possibly dying. Some people fear that if we mention Cancer’s name, this will invite Cancer near. When we speak of Cancer (the Bear), we should do so with respect, because even Cancer has its pride. 

Frida Kahlo - “At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.” 

© 2026 Mark Liebenow